Friday, September 23, 2005

Choosing the creative life....

is not always fun or easy. no siree.

I'm sipping peppermint tea.
I'm having writers block.

I'm listening to Antony and The Johnsons
Listen to “Hope There’s Someone”… it might make you weep.
(I saw them & Coco Rosie in concert this week... blessed sounds)

I want a hair cut. maybe like Jean Seburg.

My creative muscles are sore.
I feel so rigorously pushed in my drawing class.
Imagine 12 hours of drawing drapery. Yes, that is my reality.

I'm one of the "worst" in the class. I just don't draw well from life... it's not where I feel inspired. I feel inspired by narratives, characters, beauty, anguish, love, loss... not DRAPERY.

I wish I wasn't so angsty in the process. Drawing is hard! It is humbling and I am frustrated. It is not an easy path for me, but I am challenged and reaching beyond my comfort zone and that is how I wish to live my life. Stretching, exploring, pushing, growing, seeking my truth. I wish in the process I could relax and smell the orange blossoms.

I'm feeling like I’m constantly battling myself and my skills. Do you all feel that way sometimes?

I thought you didn't have growing pains at almost 30 years old!

...My family friend Jeremy had a jewelry design company called "Late Bloomer" and I didn't quite get it when I was little. I thought she meant the flowers that she sculpted for her earrings were blooming late. I guess I am one, a late bloomer.

I'm going to do some relaxing things for myself this week:
soak in a hot tub
see my friend Kate WC
eat a morning bun at tartine bakery
take time to stretch before exercising
paint for myself
look up

Goodness gracious I am spilling at the seams…

**I just spoke with my friend Ali and she reminded me that while I’m in school to “Mess up, take risks and make a whole lot of bad drawings”!



Swirly said...

The creative is, indeed, NOT easy, but I can't imagine doing anything else! One of my favorite quotes is "Be willing to do it badly", and my own variation of that is "Be willing to mess* it up in order to push your limits." (*an expletive can be inserted there if you are so inspired!) It can be so hard to let go, but that is often where the greatest breakthroughs occur - when we push farther than we think we can or should. KEEP CREATING!!

jesse said...

hello! did you like coco rosie? we saw them with the bright eyes...can't say i loved them. but if ever have a chance to see tilly and the wall, do it!! they played that same night, too. no drummer, a tap dancer instead...the music is fun and she is fantastic.
anyway, i wish i had some words to lift you up, but i still think it sounds like you are where you need to be. if you don't draw drapery now, with someone telling you to, you might never. and then the things you learn from it will never be learned! hang in there...i miss you!

la vie en rose said...

I'm so awed by those of you who choose to make a living by creating. I just do a little here and there in my spare time and for fun. I really admire your choices. I've often heard that the place of most resistance, the place you absolutely do not want to be, that thing that's just not your thing, is exactly where you need to be. It's your growing edge. God bless your stuck places, your blocked moments, for in sticking it out, in pushing through you become bigger, better, and stronger.

jenny vorwaller said...


1. the haircut, please and yes, right away because it's darling!

2. the struggle, necessary for our growth.

3. been listening to cocorosie a lot lately :)

4. get lots of hugs from hugh. go get one now. and another. :)

jenny vorwaller said...

p.s. "good friday" is my fav coco rosie song...:)