Friday, February 04, 2005

rahhh!!! naysaying

For my narrative drawing class I've had 3 writing projects.

ONe has been writing for the last 2 weeks in a stream of conscious manner & the 2nd is eavesdropping (so fun!) on conversations, and the 3rd is called clustering. maybe i will post a cluster. Anyhow, this is a SOC bit about having a hard time saying NO! maybe someone relates?

The assignment is about not judging your voice, but already I feel like I'm judging my teenage writing:)

What is that all about?

I want to be flexible.

I want to be liked.

Don’t judge me….

I’m shy.

I’m nice.

I’m flexible.

I’m easygoing.

Why am I such a pleaser?

Is it hard for me to think ahead when I say yes to things…. that down the road I wish I had said no to?

Merely scratching the surface…

I want to say no to another shift at work.

I want to say NO to things that in my gut I don’t feel like doing.

TRUST the gut.

Will I become overly inflexible?

Do I need more boundaries?

Saying no…

Last night I said no to dinner with friends.

I said YES to guava juice and chocolate pudding and a chick flick that will remain unmentioned…

I don’t want to be seen as selfish. I don’t want to be seen as stubborn. As a…. bitch! heavens to betsy!

Why? Nice girls finish last? Why are we socialized to be so NICe as girls?

It’s also about time management and optimism about how much I can do… which leads me to say YES all the damn time. Overbooking.

Or maybe it’s more of a… sure, a reluctance.

Or maybe it’s the last year of waiting tables that has made me say… “absofukinglutely I’ll be right with you!! Fake smile.

Get a backbone. Get an attitude. Stop being nice!!!! But I don’t like those people. Or do I? maybe I secretly do, and they carry all my secrets.

Of being true to themselves.

This is such a rambled mess.

Hmmm…. What are your secrets??! You NO people.

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