modig

what to do with my master apprenticeships? i think hugh and i will have a big ol' bonfire on the beach to burn 'em. yea!

i'm feeling a little freaky. i have 3 big projects due tonight and tomorrow. i have a midterm in art history tomorrow- i'm studying with flashcards between brushing my teeth and blogging. i'm working on my narrative drawing project in the form of a "book" and have no idea the expectation. i'm doing a painting of the ice cream cart vendors for my illo class, using a grid and inspired by romare bearden (and the 2 don't mesh).

i met with my advisor yesterday for the first time. i tried to put it gently that i wanted to get the most "bang for my buck" and that the degree wasn't really my end goal, but to start my illustration career (whatever that means!). i think by the end of the conversation she got me when she said, "in order to rape the system you want to take classes with so and so". hee.

i still don't know how i'm going to pull next semester off financially. this semester financial aid messed me up, and i was overly optomistic about how much i can live on. a trial run, i guess. i've been bouncing the idea of living with my family in maine for the summer... and working at some lobster house and saving $ on rent and subletting a room in our SF apartment. on the one hand i dream- i can sew & garden with my mom and go to the beach and run and play with my friend lynn's babies, etc. BUT it scares me, too! first, i'm almost 30- so cliche... the moving home with your parents! 2nd, hugh and i both feel dependent and already sad about the idea of leaving each other for 3 months. knowing we're not good on the phone. knowing we need each other to fall asleep in the exact synchronized spoon position. all the more reason to go away for 3 months! i should be able to be independent! oh, i wish i just had a magic sponsor fall from the sky. it's so frusturating to finally realize my dream after so much digging, and then to not know how to afford it. any advice? i need to focus on the big picture. i need to go back to the studio and finish these projects! as my friend kwc said to me the other day, i too... "feel overwrought".