serious biznass & coming clean with being po'

i woke up feeling rested and ready to tackle some of my life.

*warning* this post below is really boring and a coming to terms with some stuff that makes me feel personally nauseous, yucky and basically like a loser.

i get so emotionally entangled with $, or rather my lack thereof. coming back from vacation completely broke hurts. and then the getting sick really didn't help matters! i decided instead of moping about it, to completely dettach and treat it like someone else's biz named "Pigtails". Pigtails is fun and silly, but also gets the job done and is not scared of dealing with finances.

first, i, i mean Pigtails, returned by foot a huge heavy bag of library books to my school that i had been post-poning returning because i don't have a car and my bike is broken and everything seemed connected. damage=$66, ouch!

second, Pigtails looked at my taxes (i got an extension) and decided to just look at them and see if they made any sense. i made so little why do i need to pay thousands like it said the first time around? i made an appointment with H&R block, but i think they charge 100 bucks, so I may need to ask around to friends who itemize to see if they can help.

Pigtails then did a little business with finacial aid and got some new forms and has to figure out her payment plan for school, due tomorrow!

fourthly Big P e-mailed people about paying/picking up the paintings she had sold to actually make some money!

and if that wasn't enough P looked on craigslist to see about job opps, as admittedly she is not making enough $ at her current job and there are no excuses anymore!

breathe.

Pigtails: So Mati, why do you think you have these financial blocks?

Mati: Well, because I am so busy, so broke and sometimes feel like a bit of denial and risk-taking actually let's me accomplish things that i wouldn't normally do if i was realistic with myself.

Pigtails: Well somehow that's worked for a while, but wouldn't it feel better to actually have a grip on the real figures and be less paralyzed around finances?

Mati: I think so, but then I wouldn't get to do all these amazing things like flying places to see my friends get married and going out to dinner with phenomenal people to expensive sushi restaurants.

Pigtails: Couldn't there be choices?

Mati: But then I wouldn't be so spontaneous and fun and adventurous.

Pigtails: Is being stranded in an airport with no $ fun? Or borrowing from your boyfriend and stressing him out adventureous?

Mati: Why do I have to be such an adult!

Pigtails: Do you even know how much $ you need to make to pay your bills?

Mati: I've written it down, but the number keeps eluding me. It's more than I make, for sure.

Pig: How are you going to solve this?

M: I'm going to continue breaking down the steps and coming up with a plan and... (dreaded word) budget. I need to take myself seriously and apply all the years I've worked for other people, to my own business. From here on out, I'm going to step it up and start promoting my work and get some projects under my belt.

P: Good for you, now stop beating yourself up already!

(To Be Continued)