Thursday, April 20, 2006

in too deep

i love visiting blogs to gain perspective.

art school is driving me a bit batty. too many critiques. too much inspiration. too much attitude. too much insecurity. too much bad art. too much amazing art. too much talent. too much immaturity. too much articulateness. too much theory. too much weirdness. too much, i say! and only 2 weeks to go!

somehow visiting blogs (while some make me feel a tad underproductive), most are so earnest and beautiful and made from the heart without all of the above, well some of the above~inspiration included.

really i am lucky to be where i am at in school, but it is a blessing and a curse to be so aware of what's happening. it can become paralyzing of creating for the love of creating, if you let it.

i guess i just wanted to get this off of my chest before i go into my studio and carry these feelings.

i spoke with a fellow student the other day who had been in one of my first classes i took at CCA and she was talking about how when we were in that class together she started making these drawings of all graphite and then white on white and has gotten increasingly minimal, to the point where she is doing nothing now and has no ideas.

i said that maybe she just needed to empty out her basket and then start putting the pieces back in gradually. she seemed in such despair about her work and boxed in. i hope she can find a place to get some distance and start creating again after she graduates this spring.

people deal differently in an environment so intensely creative and charged. i know for myself i need lots of time... by myself and to explore without feedback. i for one cannot wait for the summer! i may not be posting much these next couple weeks due to my workload, but will surely be checking in with others:)


la vie en rose said...

2 more weeks!!!!!!!

Goddess of Leonie said...

hey sweet mati
i love how you share and are so aware. funny how it can all feel like such an OVERLOAD of the senses.
what an amazing analogy of Ms Minimalism. she explored so deeply into this path that she feels like she has reached the end of the branch, and now feels like she needs to go back to the trunk to branch out again. maybe she could see the path as being infinite branchouts ~ always continuing onwards, exploring into new pieces. in whatever she chooses to create next, you just KNOW it's going to have an amazing feel for space and quiet in it.
wishing you blessings and the soft gentle reassurance of your own voice in the next few weeks.
blessings to you artiste woman,

lisa s said...

hang in there.... you know of course you will miss it when you are done....

hope to perhaps see you when you resurface??

gkgirl said...

i love how you worded that...
empty the basket
and then start putting
things back in...

that makes so much sense.


amy said...

I love visiting your blog for a different perspective as well. I hear you on the intense school schedule and crazy personalities that come with it. I really enjoy experiencing art school through you, being myself immersed in academic blahs of a different type.

kelly said...

oh so true miz mati...i am in the unproductive state at the moment. i
have 2 paintings sitting on my table - screaming for attention.
but i have design jobs that need my attention at the moment, because my checkbook needs some

somedays it seems like such a vicious circle. and i am sure
spring fever has set in with your
situation. school is almost out
and this is the time where the prof
really push for production.

my daughter cheri' is a sophomore at indiana university - interior design. and she is at the same point. i just told her yesterday -
2 weeks. then she is off to chicago for an internship. but she
has been pummeled with projects and tests.

i liked what you told your fellow student. that is what we have to do everyday - when we are empty, we just slowing starting filling up our baskets again.

here's to a full mati basket!

happy friday!

risa said...

i love the honesty of your posts. i finished this one and thought, "wait, i´m not the only one who feels insecure and overwhelmed and inspired and excitied all at the same time?!?!" thanks mati.

jenny vorwaller said...

well sed my dear! coming up for air, i so need that and im nowherenear being steeped as deep as you are!! ;)

take gentle care! be outside! kiss hugh lots! ;)

MARYBETH said...

Dear Family * Friends,
Our daughter Katy, was induced Thursday April 20th and had a smooth 10 hour labor. Around 6 PM, she was fully dilated and ready to have Ryder. Her doctor had been paged more then an hour prior to this time, and Katy, Eric(Ryder's Daddy), Myself and Bob were celebrating the soon to arrive baby. Suddenly Ryder's heart rate dropped to below 50 and numerous nurses rushed into Katy's room. The Anesthesiologist announced "we have to get her into surgery" and the crowd of medical personal pushed her bed in a panic out of her room and down the hall through the surgery doors. I looked at the clock 6:31pm, and stood just outside her room, praying and waiting . Dr Chang(Katy's OB) came running down the hall at 7pm No one could answer our repeated pleas for information. Ryder was born via emergency c-section at 7:20pm, weighing 8 lbs 6 oz 20 inches.
Today 4-22 we have spent the past 48 hrs at the San Diego Children's NNICU where Ryder is on life support and other medication to control frequent long seizure activity.
The Neonatologist report thus far is severe brain injury from prolonged lack of oxygen.
I ask that you hold Ryder, Katy * Eric in your thoughts and Prayers. I would Love to be able to bring notes, cards wishes etc to them, as they stay across the street from the hospital in The Ronald McDonald House. Please Pass this on to Those who will Pray for Ryder.
Love, * Gratitude,

Swirly said...

I totally understand the need for pulling inward. Sometimes it is the most creative act we can do!