Wednesday, June 21, 2006

waiting for tea.

hello there,

i am post-lunch, writing as i am (see above).

i feel lucky today and present.

yesterday i remembered my bike was parked for 2 entire nights down by 16th & mission (basically a spot that advertises- TAKE my bike). and it was actually still there! amazing! even my ditty bops pirate flag was intact that is hanging from the basket. this is coming from the mouth of a girl who has had 3 bikes stolen in this city. thank you bike angels.

you know, i never went to church. my mom's dad was a minister and step-dad was in the seminary to be a priest, and then i think they both rebelled against going to church (my understanding at least!) and so my sister and i never experienced the religious life. but as i was writing angels, i think i do believe in something magic, watching over and being sweet... altho where were the 3 times before?! maybe it is just luck and pacing and appreciating it all.

again, i feel lucky and a bit wigged out for having stayed at our friend's house to linger longer and watch "the daily show"... during which we heard multiple gun shots (3 people shot on the corner). i am grateful we didn't leave any earlier. thank you... life.

i want a simpler life. i want to be deeply happy with what i have... less pining for more. i want to appreciate the moments and feel the feelings as they happen, instead of looking forward so much.

but it is a balance. you must dream in order to manifest.

i want a vacation (does this sound paradoxical to want escape?) i want new stimulus and connection with friends, family and space. i want to come home and see my home with new eyes. i want space to breathe fresh air. i want space from the crowds and frenzy of the smushed together city life. i want maine in the summer time. blueberry picking. reading a book (not just magazines, internet and the paper) on my parent's porch with stanley the cat. i want my mom's home cooked food~ strawberry rhubarb pie is calling to me. lobster dipped in butter. fresh corn on the cob. salt air smells. i am homesick today and present with this. and yet i want to appreciate the life i live here in SF with my incredible shared studio space and eclecticness and hugh. to sit with this. i also want new mexico, seattle, nyc, italy, india, argentina, paris and nova scotia. all at once. and i want to be present here. now.

today my mantra is: the answers lay in your work. also: be authentic in my work. drop down into it.

i am painting large paintings that i've been working in and out of for a couple weeks. uninhibited exciting-to-make paintings that don't really make sense to me yet, but i like doing them. i like the conversation that exists between my head, hand, heart, paint and canvas. and that today is enough.

xoxo

9 comments:

la vie en rose said...

ahhh...your enough is wonderful...and so are your wantings...

risa said...

i struggle with wanting versus appreciating what i have every day here! i try to be more like ecuadorians=less materialistic and then i go to a market and want to buy all the amazing things i see...this is something i'll be working on while in ny, for sure.

Shari said...

lovely words today mati! i'm glad that you and your bike are safe. hoping you have an awesome end to the longest day of the year! happy summer! xo, shari

lisa s said...

oh you sound so inspired... it's fabulous!!!

let's find a time to meet... after next week mornings are good for me...
xo

Shell said...

Dreamy whimsical musings...

Thanks for sharing such pure thoughts.

lisa said...

that mantra resonates for me...xo lisa.

Jesse said...

And I want you to come to Maine! Having you here would be a vacation to me...

I am so glad to hear your bike is safe!!

susanna said...

That's good news about your bike. This morning I thanked the kitchen angels that my forgotten oatmeal on the stove didn't burn down the house! Yes, I think it's a healthy balance to have contentment in the present life and dreams for the future. Here's to hoping that you get those sunny days on the porch with Stanley the cat, a good book, and a piece of your mom's stawberry-rhubarb pie (my, that sounds yummy!).

my pink sky said...

your thoughts today are pure and magical for me. thanks for putting them into beautiful words.
~mindy