Tuesday, May 29, 2007

beauty in the breakdown

beauty in the breakdown
i'm feeling run down. i've totally pushed myself to the limit and too thin all around, but i see how the puzzle pieces are fitting together today and the missing piece is fitting in with satisfying clarity.

i've had many conversations lately with folks where i've sought questions to my answers or vice versa about *life*, mainly connected to success and art making. a good research phase...now to the meat of it.

enough seeking the answers outside of myself (the answers lay in the work) and more just doing and focus and simplifying the distractions and developing a stronger work habit for my art, which is to say a deepening of myself and my craft in a consistent manner. saying no to the rest. i want to really feel like i've committed myself as much as i can and then, well, i'll know that deep down. i'm going to welcome success right now and put my art making endeavors first (this includes blogging for me), including pouring my energy into the logistical side of art as well as the making. i'm going to focus on being prolific and then evaluate the work, not the editing out and discrediting before it's made.

now is the time. there are always a million excuses, social activity and ways of making $ outside of art. and i've been scared sometimes of going there, seizing opportunities and believing in my own quirky beautiful vision of life in paint... really pushing myself and saying no to all the rest and meeting other people's immediate needs and opinions. having patience with myself on this learning process.

my friend who was experiencing transition was talking about how you need to have space between the monkey bars to fall and sometimes no net (i've been worrying a lot about the net-- is it rigged up tight enough?). there is no formula on this path and we are all our own pioneers, right? we are all original, there is no escaping THAT one true thing. i have to tell you that art school got ugly at the end because the critics' voices became stronger than my own and i started losing my vision, so to speak, and fearing my own true marks of expression were frivolous (happy, cute, trendy, mission school (yes i started making art in the mission and it is an admitted influence!), too pleasing of colors...god forbid), and leaned on that as an excuse not to push past and defy that voice. no more! i don't want to be that man who is a well known painter and spoke at my school, but could not speak with out referencing 5 other artists in every sentence whom he was mocking with his art and his art was basically one big mockery. i'm coming across as bitter perhaps and yet i know this artist struggles with his own voice and has chosen that direction, probably as a result of his critics, right? it's a fearful self-protective place to be to mock the art world. nobody can hurt you with their criticism from this place! i want to make art that is personal and derived from an earnest process that then hopefully communicates, not formulaic or intentionally derivative (although, influences are encouraged and inspiration is borrowed everywhere and embedded in our collective sub-conscious, this i do believe)

i think pink kitties and elephants can be serious. pink is a serious color and for my love for it is quite serious, seriously:) glitter and monsters/darkness and flowers and child-like escapes (and all things lace) and longing and rickety boats and grief and tear drops and silver-leaf (a new love) and faded/sanded down and all of it overlapping is a direction i'm seriously invested in exploring. building up my own personal and collective symbols and re-working them to become their own story.

i'm needing to capture this. i wasn't planning on it. i make no apologies. with new found commitment to this road ahead.

here i go to the studio folks! thanks for reading. i hope you all have faith in doing your own thing, whatever it may be. xoxo

21 comments:

kelly said...

i love this piece!
happy tuesday!

jenny vorwaller said...

you got my attention with that imogen heap title :)

hang in there darling. and remember that if all artists succumbed to their fears of not being taken seriously,(heaven knows we have them) we would have some really empty galleries, museums, books, billboards, walls, stories...

...can't wait to see more elephants from your studio when you come back.

besitos.

Stephanie said...

Good for you Mati. I can totally relate, I'm going through a bit of this myself. I'm so glad you are making the conscious decision to stick with what is coming from the heart. That is where the best work comes from. Your artwork has always resonated deep with me. I wish you all the success in the world!

jenifer74 said...

wonderful post mati. grad school classes (or just furthering your art education) can be challenging for sure -- in good & bad ways. the mister struggled a lot with this upon finishing & getting his MFA...it was a hard journey in some ways going along with him. i learned SO much, but he lost a little bit of the joy in the art...he's slowly getting it back, but it was hard to see him, once so exuberant on all facets of the arts, be bitter & hard on himself, and others...it was strange being the one to gently point this out to him. i think that stepping out of your overly critical space & delvging deep down into who you really are, and the kind of art you really want to make, ultimately, obviously, will be the most intense, the most rewarding & the most gratifying to you.

can't wait to get up & chat more with you when we get back from europe! xxx.

shari said...

a wonderful post mati. very inspiring. i'm glad you are listening to what your heart is revealing to you. keep listening my friend. kisses and hugs!

mati rose said...

thank you friends. just centering myself with those words and intentions helps, and to be supported by fellow artists who relate! thank you a million times over for commenting... i'm making headway in the studio & new ideas are forming!

kelly rae said...

dearest mati,
it sounds like you are in the depths of removing the layers, getting back to the core and the joy of it. i love your art. and i'm glad you are pushing ahead without too much overthinking. just make your beatutiful art. the rest will fall into place for you.
xo

posy press said...

aren't you glad you realized you need to stick to your guns? good for you...i love this post and i think more people should continue to go where their hearts lead... :) amy

Susannah said...

Mati, thank you for this post. today i'm battling with business plans and my own creative demons, and it's a comfort to hear another artist's thoughts... I'm a long-time reader and think your work is stunningly beautiful

:-)

Swirly said...

BRAVO!!! I am in my high school cheerleading uniform doing back flips screaming, "GO, MATI, GO!" Your two paintings are now hanging on my studio wall and they make me smile every single day.

Listoria said...

Your words are inspiring!

Criticism, whether harsh or contructive, is still criticism. I find that it limits artists...and yes, sometimes we need the limitation, but sometimes even the constructive hampers our creative genius...and that little critic in our heads starts speaking louder than our creative muse and we lose that sense of identity that our personal art reflected because we're too busy wondering what others will think.

And really, what do art critics know? The definition of art changes daily depending on new techniques, new mediums and who is discussing the subject!

Don't lose heart! This little community of bloggers takes your work seriously and draws inpiration from your pieces!

:^)

Tiffany

Amanda said...

I think following our own path, creating from our own heart and experiences is the only way to live and be happy. your work inspires me and i think because it seems so true, never forced. i am grateful for this post.
xxx

Anonymous said...

The quote for the day in the Boston Globe is: "Art attracts us only by what it reveals of our most secret self." by Jean-Luc Godard.

Maybe that sums it all up!--your mom

mati rose said...

you guys rock!
xo,
mati

Sam said...

I love your art and am even hoping to buy a piece or 2 in the future. What would life be without the critics, especially those that get paid making opinions of someone else's work. Your pieces have a very feminine vibe to them and they are beautiful.

Trendy? maybe
Timeless, definately.

Sam

nydampress said...

I have been reading your blog for a little while now and after reading this post I knew I needed to finally say hello! What a great read. I wish the best for you, and I am glad you made the choice to put your art first!

shash said...

hi mati! as always your honesty and bravery are inspiring. wonderful post. your mom's comment got me teary for some reason. ;-)
see you soon. ox

susan said...

lovely work and lovely blog. my first visit! via penelope...

one black bird said...

keep on goin' girl...you are headed in the right direction, which is of course, your own direction!

beautiful post! xo, diana

pam said...

beautiful post, just beautiful. we can tell what a beautiful heart you have as well. xo

Swirly said...

I read this for the second time today and it gets me fired up!!!