Friday, August 13, 2010

honoring your freakouts

print available here

I've been super slammed lately with projects. They all feel exciting and equally important. They have me working at least 12 hour days, from 10-10 usually. It feels alive. It feels overwhelming. It feels like I'm freaking out!

Today I realized that I have been pretending that I'm balanced! I naturally have a very calm and collected front (I've been told) and try to hold all of it together and minimize what's happening in my life. I recognized today that I don't have to do this. I can let on that I'm freaking out! I can honor this state of being! It's the most authentic thing to do.

It's like when I used to waitress I would never delegate my tasks of running for the ketchup, check or drinks to anyone else and continue to take tables and then low and behold I'd be in the weeds! I feel like I'm in the weeds right now. Working in the studio late on a Friday night.

I have this fantasy that this weekend I can bake all my friends meyer lemon pies... the one with a new baby, my pregnant friend, my inlaws, my friend who's turning 40... the list goes on. And of course the fantasy continues to spending quality time with all of them. I have this fantasy that I can be the good friend who listens to all my friends woes and never burden them with mine too. Isn't that silly? What kind of boring friend would that be?

I guess it comes down to valuing myself and my work. I find myself deferring to others when they talk about their big life issues-- babies, relationships, careers... even other artists work "Oh yeah, your show is a really big deal! It's so exciting!! Mine is just a little one. Oh you don't have to come". Enough. Enough of this self-deprecation and humility! I think it's time for me to own up and honor my own enoughness and freakout like the awesome freak that I am! I hope you give yourself permission to do the same!

Happy Freaky Friday the 13th xxxx
Mati

17 comments:

Laurie Jacobsen said...

Good for you, Mati! I am that very same kind of boring friend and I'm going to think long and hard about that. Thanks!!

Andi Walker said...

Go for it girl...take some time for you and give yourself permission to just BE yourself. I love your art...you are such an inspiration. I'm saving $ to purchase your book, can't wait. Hugs, Andi at Hot Pink Pansy.com

stefanie renee said...

damn right girl! Honor the freak outs ~ you are totally worth every last one!!! :) Stand loud and proud of all that you are doing! we will all be here when life slows down and we will all be here when you're in the weeds!

love you dear friend!
xoxo

Ms. Smart said...

life is a balance. teeter totter. we question we realign. enjoy your experiences.

kerin rose said...

I think friends love us even more for being willing partners!...

happy freakout friday!

Anna Lloyd said...

You are awesome, love your honesty!

Happy Mama said...

It's all ebb and flow, isn't it?

Glad you're honoring your enoughness! You certainly are enough.

leafonatree said...

Go you! I have to remind myself of this daily. Maybe hourly. At any rate, it's all good!

Tammy said...

This post is my favorite post on my blog reader from all week! Good reminders!

Isabel said...

Love the post so true!:O)

Kolleen said...

AMEN!!!

fly your freak flag high!!!!!


we all need to freak out now and again!

and i cannot imagine any show you are a part of as not being a big deal!!!! your work is AMAZING!!

xo
k

mindy lacefield said...

i feel when we allow ourselves this freak out time it makes room for more balance. giving the ok for what it is and moving on. thank you for reminding me that it's ok to stress a little and then work to get back. i am so honored to call you a friend and mentor. you inspire me every day, love! i love your humbleness and humility but never underestimate what kind of impact you are having in this creative community. you got it all going on, girl. love you!!!

Linda said...

It is really true that you don't talk about your own struggles very much! You could, too! Thanks for listening to mine.

sperlygirl said...

xoxo - i know those feelings well - you are NOT the only one! you are an inspiration and your honesty is wonderful.

Odd Chick said...

I asked one of my best friends what she would do if I cratered (this was after she had cratered in front of me)- and she said,"I would FREAK OUT - you never crater". And that's why I never give myself permission to fREAK OUT because all those around me count on me not to.... ever. So you can imagine what this little writing did for me... and to all those women whose friends have never seen you freak out- doesn't mean we don't want the luxury of that emotion every now and then.

kelly rae said...

i LOVE it when you have these kinds of aha moments. they totally inspire me....

missing you....

and you are NOT a boring friend :)

danielle said...

Wicked post Mati! The kind that gives you goosebumps because you know it's SO TRUE! :)